Very clever, Material Girl, and how easy for you to say. Because you're one of the richest ladies in the world and all. Those wretched American values got you where you are today. I think that's a very nice glass house you live in.

Phone call at 4:45 this morning:

Skip: Rebecca, it's Skip.

Me: Mmm hmm?

Skip: You coming to the gym?

Me: No.

Skip: Why not?

Me: Um. It's Friday.

Skip: [pause] No. It's Wednesday.

Me: Oh. Okay.

Skip: See you there.

Me:Mm hmm.

Oh, that's right. Here's 200 million dollars that will not go to education.

'If it ain't attached to a tank, we don't want it.'

200 million dollars.

My favorite parts from this article, besides (of course) the 200 million dollars George W. Bush will pee away, concern the leading candidates for the Democratic presidential nomination and their apparent inability to serve as serious contenders in the race to the White House:

...a Bush associate described Mr. Edwards [of North Carolina] as the Breck Girl of politics, a reference to the shiny-hair model for a popular shampoo in the 1960's.

Another Bush adviser said of Mr. Kerry [of Massachusetts], 'He looks French.'

Let the games begin.

I think that this guy probably likes to wear women's underwear but is just too embarrassed to buy them. So he steals them. In large quantities.

My favorite thought of the day comes from police investigator Michael Mason:

[He] is not aware of a suspect having this number of potentially stolen panties in his possession before.

Found on Obscure Store.

Nina Simone died today.

Keeping with today's them of what I think is funny and what I do not think is funny, this is so funny. So wrong yet so very funny. All at the same time.

This letter is exactly what I've been looking for. If you agree, send it to: ampas@oscars.org

Also via Andre, today's Hero of my online distractions.

This is funny too. Notice that the protestor's name is Heywood Jablome. Heh.

Link found via Andre.

I don't think this is funny. I understand that poking fun at retarded kids could potentially be funny to some, but the authors go about it all wrong. The way it is written brings the dreadful effects of mental retardation to light. It ends up making me a little sad.

But this--and this--these are funny.

What the hell is this guy talking about?

'Our irresponsible friends' in Turkey?

My goodness. Let's just freaking alientate everyone.

'It's bad enough that the Kurds are not receiving the proper affection and gratitude for all they have done to help topple Saddam. The kid glove treatment of a misbehaving alleged ally, Turkey, needs to stop now.'

Oh jeez. Scathing letter to author will soon follow.

'You give me 300, 400 billion dollars a year, I'll show you a good time, too.'

Baby, where do I sign up?

There's a kitten stuck atop a telephone pole outside. He's been there for three days. No one will save him as his precarious positioning fifty feet above and directly between power lines far outweighs general human empathy for small animals. Except, of course, in the customer service department. Their department is planning some sort of group effort to coax the cat down. Evidently a gaggle of females trained in customer relations will help the kitten to challenge gravity.

Ooh, news update. The kitten has been rescued. Our neighboring company has a truck with a cherry picker and was able to reach the ill-fated feline. Alas, there was a group of foxes lurking beyond the hill, watching every move. Waiting.

Odds are against our friend the kit.

There is an Elvis impersonator in the office today. The King goes well with western apparel. He can do little wrong.

I'm now watching the aftermath of the performance. The woman is mortified. It was a surprise from her husband. He asked her where she wanted to go for dinner. Her reply: I think I'm just going to drink my dinner tonight.

What the world needs now is Mason Jennings

Mired as we are in our daily complications, it’s refreshing to hear a smiling voice sing you a straight story. Charming and relaxed, the honey-coated sound of Mason Jennings resonates with a breathtaking clarity that, if only for a moment, makes you forget that you might have had something on your mind.

‘I believe if you fall in love,’ Mason sings with convincing sincerity on his latest release, Century Spring, ‘you should jump right in.’ Mason Jennings signals a powerful message of self-determination: Singing, writing and distributing his music with a declared goal of having no regrets, the songs reflect an undauntedly pure life perspective.

Accompanied onstage by Chris Morrissey and Brian Mcloud, you might ask yourself where you can find a similar elixir to afford such healthy precision. Then you’ll hear the band go off on a guitar-laden, Iron-Maiden-esque tangent and remind yourself, Oh! They’re just three guys, in love with life.

Mason Jennings is currently on tour. Check your local music listings and make an effort to be pleasantly surprised.

Fred Gray was the guest speaker at a dinner I was at last night. Listening to his passion about his career renewed my conviction that my dream to make a difference in education is not futile. I can single-handedly affect change--we all can. Fred Gray made a difference as one of our country's most influentual civil rights lawyer.

Fred Gray represented Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King Jr., and the participants of the Tuskegee Syphilis Study. He's currently the first African-American head of the Alabama State Bar Association. His argument for Gomillion v. Lightfoot laid the foundation for the Supreme Court's 'One Man, One Vote' decision, and later evolved into the voting rights acts. Fred Gray began his career with the sole intention to destroy every instance of segregation. One man. One dream. He made a difference.

Fred Gray offered his ideas on how we can destroy segregation in our lives.

Recognize that we really are not diverse. Look into our schools, our jobs, our temples and our churches, our grocery stores and our coffeeshops. See how homogenous our lives really are.

Devise a plan for diversification. If our government can devise a successful program for space travel, he said, then it can make one to effectively diversify, too.

Get to know each other. Talk. Smile. Be open to change. Make a pointed effort to be friendly to the people you encounter throughout your day.

It sounds hopelessly optimistic. So why shouldn't it work?

A friend of mine grew up in Arkansas in the 1950s. She once recalled what it was like getting ice cream in the sweltering summertime. There was a colorful awning and an open walk-up restaurant with kids lined up and laughing and exchanging change for their treats. She had to walk behind the building, where a little window had been cut out of the wall. You knocked on the opening, it slid open, you put your change inside and out came an ice cream. The window closed. Above the window was a sign that read, "Colored."

While instances like this aren't as glaring, we still continue to de facto segregate with our schools, our neighborhoods, and our politics. Get involved.

Dear Girl

Signed,

Girl Who Sits Across From You

Everybody's got a story to tell.

Go Connecticut.

Sort of related to my beloved constitution state, I had to buy deodorant last night. Deodorant usually lasts me like three years or so because I buy it in bulk from Costco. Consequently, it's been a long time since I had to comparative shop for anti-perspirant. Yesterday, I ran out. Off I went to Walgreens.

I don't know what it's like for men, but women's deodorants have these wacked out scents. They had Glacier Mist. Ocean Breeze. Tropical Satin. It's just like buying Gatorade. I decided on Mystic Rain. Now, thanks to Secret, every day can smell just like home. In the rain.

how to get a country to go to war

how to amuse yourself for less than five minutes

Came home Friday evening. Debated whether or not to go downtown. Saw that I had a phone message. Checked message. Was Shawnna, telling me she'd be on Law & Order on Friday night. Called her to tell her I was watching show.

Was worth staying in on a Friday night to watch friend on television while talking to her on phone. Will that thrill ever end? I doubt it.

Also in thrill category: Phone rang this morning.

This is Rebecca.

Hi Rebecca. This is Mason Jennings.

Interview to be written after Friday's performance. If you get the chance, send him all of your money. Or just go see his show. His breathtaking talent is worth the twenty dollars.

Finally. Someone besides myself who does not think that Bowling For Columbine was the best thing to happen to American cinema since the freaking Matrix. Which I still haven't seen, for the Keanu factor cannot be overcome.

Movies like that make people who wouldn't ordinarily crack open a book or observe the media critically think they're on to something big. Something revolutionary. But the thoughts have all been handed to them, so the thoughtful, engaging discussion that is guaranteed to ensue is trite and scripted. Or, quoth my brother regarding the Matrix, it makes dumb people think.

thanks Andre, for the link.

The Onion makes me chuckle:

At this difficult time, President Bush needs my support. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld needs my support. General Tommy Franks needs my support. It is not my function as a citizen in a participatory democracy to question our leaders. And to exercise my constitutional right—nay, duty—to do so would be un-American.

Colorado just approved vouchers. If a child is in a failing school, his or her parent can take money from the state and use that money to send the kid to private school. 85% of private schools are parochial, but the Supreme Court says no matter. Church and state remain separated, the Court promises.

But we're not sure that vouchers work, we protest. No matter. Government action is not about what works. It is about what those in power think should happen (see: current international state). And if it doesn't work?

Eh, we tried...

The one tie that inner-city neighborhoods consistently have is education. Minority groups tend to be politically disorganized. Take away education and you've taken away a viable connection. Vouchers remove the cohesion of neighborhood schools by fragmenting the education concerns of the community... keeps those inner-cities quiet.

Continuing our disturbing trend against public education, Colorado is the first state to consider vouchers at the university level. I can't figure out who that would benefit.

I think I know what I am missing in my mornings--a ritual. There's always coffee, but that's more of a dependency rather than a ritual. I need a media ritual.

When I was a kid, I always had the newspaper cartoons. That progressed into Dear Abby and daily horoscopes. Some years, the morning media ritual is just watching/attempting aerobics on the public television station. Other years, it has been a 6am dose of C.Hi.P.S. on TNN. For a while this year, I had a Wall Street Journal dependency. That has lost its thrill as of late.

I need a daily dose of stimulating yet entertaining media. Finding grammatical mistakes in the Denver Post doesn't count. As I put off writing my paper that is due tonight, will try to find a daily media ritual.

Yahoo news borders on a daily ritual. Though inconsistently riveting, is conveniently accessable.

Homeboy's on to something, poignant at best:

War should not be waged on the whole country due to one man.

Iraq is my country and it is called the Republic of Iraq not the Republic of Saddam Hussein.

We talked about the war last night in my policy implementation class. We were asked to leave out our emotions and just talk about policy. How, my professor wanted us to consider, could our president go from his original campaign claim that America should be more subtle in its foreign policy to... well, to this. No one had an answer. I was hoping my professor would. He didn't. I think he--a brilliant mind in policy implementation--is stumped.

Mike Watt is coming to a town near you.

Today is D. Boon's birthday.

If the fact that Mike Watt's a tremendous bass player isn't enough to bring you out to see him, how about the fact that he takes a few days hiatus off his tour at the end of April to play in the first Stooges reunion in 28 years, at the Coachella Festival. Mike Watt is taking the place of the only missing Stooge, Dave Alexander, who died in 1975. Without question, go see him.

Wow, I want to go to Coachella. Dammit! I have to be in Washington D.C. Arg.

I accidentally set my clock ahead an hour when I was setting my alarm last night. I didn't realize that I was an hour early for work until I was driving to work. I played an April fools joke on myself, I guess.