Tuesday, August 12, 2003

sweaty monkey

Nobody doesn't like monkeys.

On an unrelated note, I went to the gym last night. After two hours of strength and endurance training (giddyup), I decide to unwind in the sauna. Co-ed, by the way. Ick.

This is why Ick: I walk in and there's some man reading a book off in the far corner of the sauna. Good, I think to self. Man is reading. I can absorb hundreds of degrees in peace.

I lay down. I close eyes. I hear man adjusting himself.

I feel self being sprayed with something that is wet while man utters caveman 'moo boo moo boo' as he shakes himself, a la wet dog. I exclaim 'ew!' as I bolt upright and quickly wipe face and body with towel. Man continues to shake self. I move as far away from man as possible.

Man settles down. Sauna is quiet. Everything settles. I resume sleeping position.


Man shakes self again. Sweat sprays across sauna as I get caught in crossfire. I shriek in horror and turn to man.

'Sir,' I ask, 'You keep hitting me with your sweat. Do you want to be alone?'

'Does it BOTHER you that I hit you with my sweat?' man asks in offense.

'Um, no, I guess not,' I answer meekly, 'I just thought maybe you wanted to be alone in here to exercise or something.'

'No,' man answers.

Sauna settles. Man leaves sauna. I leave one song after man has left.

Upon leaving the gym, I relay story to Keith at front desk who assures me that sweat spraying is not common male practice and I should have insisted that man stopped. I warned Keith that if he hears of a girl getting a black eye in the sauna, it was just me, getting sassy.